Expectations Aside

huge trees that have shed their leaves...

Huge, huge, huge help for me this time around.

As a person that has done this again and again... and mind you, from raising monthly supporters, to saying goodbye to family members for the last time (maybe) -- this whole being on the other side of the planet thing, isnt always so easy.

One of the big things that has helped me...

In a literal sense, when Jesus sent out the 12 he was like "don't bring anything with you" and being in right relationship with his Father, he knew... he knew what would hinder them...

He told them: “Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra shirt. (Luke 9:3)

Wow. Right?

Looking over our bags, and things... we have gone through our stuff, again and again these last few months.. reducing our belongings to nothing.. its a bit weirder, the older you get, the things you have to find a new home for.. bytheway.. blender anyone? Special Ikea Toilet paper holder? haha...

Most of that 'stuff' was easy save a few things in my bags I am still being challenged with being too precious with... (interesting note: the more you have the more difficult it seems to be)

found on Pinterest.com

BUT most of all, what we got in prayer a good month before we left... the hardest thing we take with us --- That we absolutely must give to God, specifically over this season.

expectation.

Wow.

Believe it or not, can be brutal.

And this coming from a person who has carried alot of unnecessary anxiety over the last season.. (ask anyone who has been remotely close ... I hold myself to an unhealthy standard at times in relationships..)

So here we are...  Our expectations...

• People we missed saying goodbye to - between lack of time, and the unexpected.. incredibly heartbreaking at times to think about..
• Things I had counted on giving to specific people and oddly enough I have a hard time forgiving myself for not finding the time to do. You know that cast-iron skillet to the person who you promised you would give it to because you knew they would love it. Or that decorative item to my mother in law... or that cool shirt to a younger brother-like friend.
• Giving Prayer Cards to that specific person or this specific person. Thinking 'Please dont forget about us...'
• Expectations when getting here. That we would have internet right away, a phone right away...friends whos faces we mistakingly remembered were still here, knowing full well they are not. Grieving again those goodbyes we never really got before due to circumstances at the time. Did I mention I forgot how incredibly cold it gets for winter here - yes it is currently winter. (opposite seasons to the United States). 

On the other end.... Expectations of others to us... 

• I'm sorry, we just didn't have the ability to meet with you (quoted from either us or them)
• Finding out too late, Matts grandpa passed... and we were not able to go to the funeral... as we would exchange that, with seeing my mom right after a difficult surgery where she had little to no other support not even family... and just days before we leave the country...
• Expected to remember or forget things... names, ministries, life changes..
  Awe man.. thats been a difficult one, cause people don't know how their expectations are coming across. And a majority of time, it's my own disappointment with my lack or ability to communicate well.

The biggest, most difficult expectations, are the ones we have on ourselves..

If you are reading this, and can totally relate -- as a missionary especially -- I would encourage you to read http://www.alifeoverseas.com/goodbye-making-a-hard-word-easier/ posted long after we arrived. I would say we processed alot of this well.

So all and all. I don't just take those "expectations" and throw them out the window. I take them to God in prayer. 

Search me, God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting.  Psalm 139:23-24

I have to say, "Am I giving myself grace here?" or "Am I giving others grace?"

As Gods example of grace fills the void of the unexpected, and the discomfort of heartbreak --- that is where we can set our expectations aside.

As for others expectations of me? Well, that can end up being a post all by itself. In summery though... What does God think of me, and if there are ways I have disappointed others - if I have prayed and asked God, if there was anything else I could have done.. I need to walk away if the answer is no. If not, I need to apologize or make it right in whatever way.

We will have challenges, us humans, no matter what stage in life, what season -- or between-seasons part of this journey we are in... Expectations aside...